National Grief Awareness Day, which occurs every year on August 30, aims to raise awareness about grief and the complex emotions that surround it. Feeling grief can be an unfortunate part of a military career that families experience at some point during their time in service.
Overview of the Emotion: What Is Grief?
Grief, a complex and universal emotion that manifests itself in ways that are as unique as those who feel it, is most associated with the loss of a loved one. However, this emotion may also follow the loss of plans and dreams, financial situation, a pet, or even an important object.
It can present itself in many ways, including physically (e.g., sleep issues, weight loss); emotionally (e.g., experiencing depression, anger, anxiety); and behaviorally (e.g., experiencing forgetfulness, loss of interest in daily activities).
Generally, grief involves five recognition and coping stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Not everyone experiences all of these or in a linear fashion.
No matter how you face it, your grief will have its own timeline, whether you experience it over several months or over several years. Sometimes, we experience it in waves while others feel it continuously — but we all heal from grief at our own pace.
How Is Grief Different in the Military Community?
Although grief affects everyone universally, when you’re in the military community, you’ll have special circumstances to deal with. In fact, just being in the military involves being prepared to put your life and the lives of your colleagues at risk, almost embedding the possibility of facing grief into your job description.
Specific military-centered losses that you must deal with as a servicemember:
- A colleague who dies in combat
- After being deployed, the sense of closeness you had with fellow servicemembers
- Physical ability (e.g., disability acquired during service, traumatic brain injury, etc.)
- Separation from family and friends and sense of community when deployed or following a Permanent Change of Station move
Issues that can make dealing with grief more complicated for servicemembers and Veterans:
- Not recognizing your emotions or having time to grieve: As a servicemember in an active combat role, you may not have time to deal with your grief. Additionally, to be able to do your job effectively, you are trained to disconnect from your emotions.
- Hidden sorrow: When you aren’t able to openly acknowledge, discuss and mourn a loss, you keep it to yourself. This can happen especially when you experience many losses over a short period of time, as you would during a combat situation.
- “Soul injury”: This is the pain, guilt, and un-mourned grief that Veterans experience over the deaths of enemies and/or civilians that their actions may have caused.
How Grief Affects Military Families and How to Cope
It’s not just military servicemembers who experience grief due to separation and loss, but military families as well. Children who have lost a parent, especially young children, are especially vulnerable and may need more help in dealing with their grief.
If you’re an AAFMAA Member, remind your family that your AAFMAA life insurance policies include complementary AAFMAA Survivor Services that will be here to help them cope with losing you when that day comes.
Self-Care for Grief
To start the healing process, it’s important to be kind to yourself as you grieve. Some self-care actions you can try:
- Let yourself feel the grief. Give yourself permission to feel the emotions you are experiencing. Releasing them will help your mind and body relax as you work through a difficult time.
- Share your feelings by talking with others or by writing in a journal. Putting what you are experiencing into words allows you to better reflect on your emotions and feel supported.
- Exercise. Taking a walk outside and being in nature, or working out at the gym, can lift your mood. Fresh air and movement can also help de-stress and will use up extra energy in your body.
- Eat well. Make sure your body is well nourished so that you can better cope with your emotions.
- Sleep well. Getting restful sleep can make an immeasurable difference to how you make it successfully through the day and keep your emotions in check.
- Understand hard times. Life is filled with all sorts of changes that may catch you off-guard and force a change of course. Preparing for and understanding that difficult times are possible and come to everyone can help you put emotions about them in a good place.
Resources for the Military Community
Remember, you are not alone in your grief. Help is available to you from many sources within the military community:
- VA Vet Centers offer a wide range of social and psychological services, including professional counseling to eligible Veterans, servicemembers, National Guard and Reserve components, and families.
- National VA Chaplain Service provides spiritual and religious care to Veterans.
- TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) provides a wide range of grief resources and programs to those grieving a death in the military community.
- Coping with Grief Following a Death is a comprehensive guide developed by the VA that focuses on how servicemembers experience grief and provides additional resources.
Healing Starts with Awareness
National Grief Awareness Day offers a reminder that grieving for a loss is natural and universal. Being aware of how grief is affecting you and your family is the first step toward healing. Take advantage of the many resources that are available to you as a member of the military community as you go through the grieving process.
