Dear Ms. Vicki
I am writing you from Afghanistan about my wife. She refuses to stop going to the clubs. I met her at a club about three years ago and married her shortly after that. Now every weekend she spends the night in DC or Maryland so she can do nothing but party and go to clubs with friends she met recently. My wife is really attractive and it bothers me because I know that other guys are hitting on her and they could be doing God knows what. She should be home with our child, but no, she is always leaving him with her friends so she can party. It is not fair that I am over here going through hell every day, and the way she shows she cares about me or our marriage is to be a party girl. I know that I met her in a club, but now she is married and that life is over. How can I make her stop going to clubs?
-Worried in Afghanistan
I’m not sure there’s much you can do right now about your wife’s frequent partying. From your report, before you married her she was a party girl. Now you’re surprised that she is still a party girl? Did you expect her to be a stay-at-home mother and housewife? Like you, I’m concerned about the stability of your young son. I would encourage you to advocate for his stability and well being. If you have a trusted family member like your parents for example who could take care of him while you’re deployed, I think this would be a good option. I’m also concerned for your emotional stability. Right now, I think you should try and focus on your missions and making it home safe. You can’t perform at your best being worried and distressed. Try to find support from a friend, maintain contact with other family members, or speak to your chaplain when time permits. Right now you can’t worry about what you can’t change. I think the concerns you have about your wife will have to wait until you redeploy. I’m sure she will continue to party all the time, but as I stated earlier you should make other provisions for your son. He should be in a good caring environment. Lastly, you should take control of your finances. Don’t give her full control of your assets. Consider giving her a monthly allotment for support, but you should enroll in as much online banking as possible to pay your bills, etc. You should manage your checking and savings accounts. If you can’t, then you must enlist a trusted family or friend to do so. I’ve heard of too many stories where the Servicemember returns home and his partying wife has spent all of the money and left every account in the red. I don’t want this to happen to you. Take care and stay in touch.
Hi! My name is Ms. Vicki and I’m a native of Dallas. I’m married to an active-duty Soldier and we have three sons. I’ve always had a gift for giving quick advice and steering people in the right direction. I have a Master’s of Science in Social Work from the University of Louisville and I’m a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. I provide services for a wide array of concerns such as combat stress, PTSD, couples and marital problems, depression, grief and loss, stress and coping, etc. Find out more at my website.