By Jaimi Erickson
Contributing Writer
Sitting in the bleachers and watching my future husband march by with the rest of his platoon at recruit training made me proud to call him a friend. It also strengthened the love I had for him — the love we were growing through letters we sent each other while he was away at boot camp. His choice to join the military felt like a huge, unknown endeavor was ahead of us. It was going to be a challenge, but also an adventure.
My Journey to Becoming a Military Spouse
We were direct in our letters: dreaming and planning for the future, and weighing if his vision for the future meshed with mine. It was a blossoming partnership, even though we were not yet in our twenties. I was not even his girlfriend at that point, but I felt in my heart that the relationship was coming.
Long distance relationships have the statistics stacked against them. But, we still made a go of it. My Marine was serving the country; I was working on my college goals. We were moving forward, but not in the same lane. Lack of patience in our youth led us to pause and move forward separately.
Flash forward to the war in Iraq. We started writing letters to each other again. As the Middle East was exploding, letter writing reignited our relationship. I was watching the news coverage while simultaneously reading his letters. He told me about combat and the stark realities of being a Marine at war. In my gut, I knew where he was even though he could never give specifics.
Despite the horrible nature of serving during active combat, there is still a satisfaction in serving. That pride of connection to service is what fueled me to join my husband in the military life. Because of the reality of what is asked of servicemembers, I wanted to be a solid team at home, ready to give support. Military spouses are cheerleaders in that way.
Military Spouse Culture Has Shifted
The past 20 years have brought a lot of change to the military. My husband enlisted as a Marine in 1999; got his first DD-214 in 2003; attended college; and then became commissioned as an officer in 2007. He just retired in June 2024. We have experienced a stark contrast between the time when he joined and when he finished his service. The military culture shift was sparked by unit family support breaking down.
Military spouses have always worked: Whether they had a home daycare, worked at the base exchange, or were employed as teachers or medical professionals. The culture shift for military families is not about more spouses having careers instead of being stay-at-home moms.
But, because there are more work options now with the explosion of virtual positions available through companies such as Instant Teams, Aura Digital Consulting and Freedom Makers, military spouses can now have careers that move with them.
Military Spouses Need Community
Despite being able to tap into a workplace community, military spouses still need community with other military spouses. The community we each work with is wonderful for professional growth. As a writer and blogger, my virtual work community motivates me. This community understands the challenges and blessings of my niche, but they do not know or understand military spouse life. For example, when my husband was deployed, they could not relate to what parenting alone and running a business was like. They understood one side of that scenario, but not the military side. When my husband retired and did not have a job lined up, my work friends did not know how living on half the income impacted our family.
In the places we have been stationed, military spouses created the community. They got help from the unit reps in some situations, but if a motivated spouse did not initiate outreach, the village did not exist.
How to Increase Military Family Retention
With recruiting numbers often not matching goals in some military branches, retention has become a hot topic. If the military life experience does not promote the feeling that dedication to service is worth it, retention becomes a constant problem. The military must assure servicemembers that their families will be cared for while they are away.
The military equips our servicemembers with protective gear, FITREPs (fitness reports), unit morale boosters, and community. The military family — as parallel members in service — needs to be equipped as well, maybe not with gear, but with connections. They may not need FITREPs, but they need more than monthly emails on what is happening on base. They need opportunities to meet other spouses for their own community and support.
Military spouses do not fit one mold. There are many different types of military spouses in different seasons of MilSpouse life. However, all military spouses have a universal need for a supportive, reliable community to be at least an option.
Over time, I learned there was no guarantee that military spouse life would include a close-knit community wherever I went. I also learned that if I wanted that supportive community, I had to build it myself. That is a concrete reality affecting force readiness these days. When spouses know they have solid community to rely on, they are more willing to join and remain in military life. They are willing to get energized by the excitement of service even if they know it may be a hard journey.
About Jaimi Erickson
Jaimi is a mom of 4, military wife, and writer. She blogs about motherhood, kids activities and homemaking tips at The Stay-at-Home Mom Survival Guide. Connect with her on Instagram, Facebook or Pinterest.
