By Amanda Huffman
Contributing Writer
For military kids, the transition from elementary to middle school is a big one. And it isn’t just kids who are seeing things change, everyone in a military family is affected. As children transition into middle school they begin not only to gain responsibility but also to crave freedom. It is important for parents to allow their kids to find that freedom while also staying connected as a family. Here are some things to watch and prepare for if your military child is about to make the switch from elementary school to middle school.
Peer Pressure Is Real
In elementary school, there is a moderate amount of peer pressure, which can intensify as your child inches closer to becoming an adolescent. It can be hard for children, especially military kids, who may be starting middle school as new students, to deal with peer pressure. The desire to fit in and not stand out can make it so that children work to meld into the crowd, even if doing so clashes with their family values. Make sure you keep communication lines open so children know they have a safe space to talk to a trusted adult.
Hold Off on Cell Phones
Many parents who have children in high school have advised me to hold off on giving kids cell phones.. As children gain independence, having a cell phone is often the best option for staying connected. Even so, a number of parents have told me they wish they had waited before giving their kids a phone. Despite what my soon-to-be-middle- schooler tells me, lots of parents are looking for other options to stay connected without giving kids a cell phone. One of the most popular options is to give children a smart watch instead of a phone. The smart watch allows parents and kids to stay connected but doesn’t give kids access to all the apps and internet sites they would have with a smartphone.
When children do get a cell phone, be sure to use the parental controls offered. They can help protect your children from harmful things on the web, while still allowing you to stay connected. Additionally, it‘s important to talk to your children regularly about screen safety. This is another way to keep the doors of communication open.
Start Letting Go
This past year, my oldest child started riding his bike to school. The first few times he did it, I followed behind at a distance to make sure he made it to school safely. But over time, I had to let him go on his own. And while it was scary, I found that the one time he had trouble with his bike several other parents saw him and helped him out and even called me because my son has my phone number memorized.
It was reassuring to give my son the freedom he craved while also knowing others were watching out for him. As a parent, I have been trying to say yes to opportunities that give my son more freedom while also keeping him safe.
Know that you can often rely on your community to be there to support you. Even people you do not know might be watching out for your kids. I learned that even though we have only lived in our current location a short time, there’s a strong community of parents who want to ensure all of the kids are safe, and they are willing to step in and help if needed. It’s easy to feel alone when you are in a new place, but there may be more support around you than you expect.
School Is Changing in Many Ways
Military kids have an upper hand on one thing over civilian kids: Change. Military kids have likely attended more than one school, so they have experienced changes and adjustments to a new school schedule and a new school system before they reach middle school. However, middle school will still be a big shift because often there’s a transition from having one teacher to having multiple teachers, subjects, floors to navigate, and policies to get used to.
Keeping track of homework and schedules can be tough for the first few weeks, so be ready to feel some growing pains. Also, remind your child that sometimes new things are hard to get used to but they will adjust eventually.
Friends Are Also Changing
The group of friends your kids have at their elementary school may not follow them to the next school — or those friendships may not stay the same. Military kids already know how hard it is to be the new kid at school. They’ll experience that again even if they are returning to the same school district or just starting out. Making friends and dealing with any school transition can be hard. Be there to listen, encourage, and empathize with your child. Big emotions can be hard to navigate at this age.
Middle school is full of ups and downs, but it is just a bridge to high school. It allows children to prepare for the next phase of life. As a military family, these changes come with the territory, and facing them together while providing the right level of independence for everyone will help you see it through.
Amanda is a military Veteran who served in the Air Force for six years as a Civil Engineer who served on a combat deployment with the Army in Afghanistan. She traded in her combat boots for a diaper bag to stay home with her two boys and follow her husband’s military career in the Space Force. Amanda is the host of the Women of the Military podcast. There she shares the stories of women who have served or are serving in the military. The podcast has over 200 episodes and over 100K downloads. Amanda is also an author and has published two books. Her first book, Women of the Military tells the stories of 28 military women who served in the military. Her second book, A Girl’s Guide to Military Service, is the IBPA Benjamin Franklin Gold Winner for Teen Non Fiction. It is a guide for high school girls considering military service to help them build a strong foundation for their future career. She also works as a freelance writer and has been featured in a number of military publications including The War Horse, Military.com, Military Families Magazine, Clearance Jobs, Military Spouse Magazine, and more.
