By Jaimi Erickson
Contributing Writer
When I noticed my teen was spending more time than usual in his room, my gut told me I needed to be aware that something out of the ordinary was going on. But that sense of awareness also made me want to assume that it was nothing.
My usually social kid was becoming reclusive. I tried to convince myself that this sudden shift was needed. I assumed my son was spending more time alone because we had PCS’d across the country and he had to leave a tight group of friends behind. He left a neighborhood that he loved. I wanted to believe that after that big life transition, he just needed some quiet time to handle the change. My son had good reason to feel sad after leaving an idyllic base neighborhood due to military life demands.
Military kids endure so much. They experience challenges and emotional changes because of constant shifts and restarts at each new duty station. Military teenagers are different from their civilian peers. They live through more transitions than most of their friends will endure in their lifetime. And just when they’ve developed a great group of friends, it’s time to PCS again.
Parenting Through the Turbulent Teen Years
These days, teens are bombarded with phone time, social media trends, and increased peer pressure. Screentime brings social media exposure that is forcing kids to grow up very fast. We know how tough peer pressure and social stigma are to navigate.
As a mother to teenagers, I feel competing forces at work. One side tells me my actions will not have an impact on my teens. They have their own minds and will make their own choices. The other side tells me to keep working at it. Even if my teens do not follow my guidance, they still hear it. The teenage years require steadfast parenting.
With all the news and chaos that happens daily in the world, we can still create calm in our homes. Parenting through the teen years can be an opportunity to keep our teens close in ways that continue to build the relationship.
Staying Present with Our Teens
Military families know firsthand about handling unexpected and unwanted challenges. They juggle them every day. However, the teen years present both a unique challenge and a special gift. We can take a step every day to stay connected to our teens. Checking in and getting them engaged in family activities is a small, but impactful step to continually build our relationship with our children as they grow.
Great conversations happen with our kids during forced fun. We make dinner together a priority or plan a family game night. Even the simple one-on-one activities shared by members of our family are an investment in the relationship with our kids. Doing things such as walking the dog together, pulling weeds, or grocery shopping provides time for conversation to happen or just to spend quiet time together.
When teens go internal and make conversations hard, we parents must be even more patient. A parent’s influence in a teen’s life competes with outside voices. As parents, we must stay in the fight by being present and involved even as we are handling our own challenges in the attempt to keep life in balance.
Parental Interest Is Key
Teens tend to retreat into their heads because they are dealing with hormone shifts and transitions to adult life. Independent kids can give us the wrong impression. They can say they are okay when they still need our time and attention. Being there for them is the only way we can notice if things do start to shift in a negative direction.
We can invite or require them to come out and be with family while also providing them with the option to maintain their quiet time. There can be a balance.
Parenting teens as a military spouse is an opportunity. A military family goes through all the moves together. We are each other’s constant home team and safety.
Have you checked in on your teen today?
September is Suicide Prevention Month, which makes it a good time to check in with our teens. Being involved in our teens’ lives is the only option we have to ensure they are mentally healthy. Teens are dealing with a lot during this period of life, and parents of teenagers have an important role to play in helping them cope. Be there for them, and they will come back to you in their own time.
About Jaimi Erickson
Jaimi is a mom of 4, military wife, and writer. She blogs about motherhood, kids activities and homemaking tips at The Stay-at-Home Mom Survival Guide. Connect with her on Instagram, Facebook or Pinterest.
